How Parenting with Presence Can Heal Your Child with Susan Stiffleman
I am a fan of Susan’s first book, Parenting Without Power Struggles. I hand it out to friends and require any nanny we hire to read it. In Parenting Without Power Struggles, Susan talks about parents being captains of the ship with loving, calm, presence.
Now, in Parenting with Presence, Susan explores in greater detail what causes us as parents to go into “lawyer” or “dictator” mode.
“It’s an internal experience. It’s the place inside of us that often is informed, or influenced by our own childhoods. And in the misbehavior or acting out or defiance of our child today, our five year old, our fifteen year old, our nine year old, if we’re starting to get stirred up and we’re coming at our kids rather than alongside them or giving advice they don’t want, we’re punishing and yelling, we’re scolding, we’re shaming, more likely than not, there’s at least some piece of our own childhood that’s kind of emerging with the possibility of being healed.”
Children can present us beautiful shifts if we become aware. When a parent starts to feel the emotion arise, what can we do?
“It’s going to depend on the circumstance…the simplest thing is to notice that you’re breathing. Notice the sounds around you; notice the sensations on your skin. “
Give yourself compassion, some self-nurturing in the moment. If you can get away to the bathroom, narrate to yourself what a nurturing parent would have said to you as a child while patting your heart. The goal is to be present in the moment, present with your own feelings.
Cultivate the Ability to Mother Yourself and Know When to Enlist Parenting Help
You may need some help if:
• Your child is chronically acting out
• There are interpersonal challenges that only occur at home
• There is a lack of connection between you and your child
With some patience and understanding, the connection between parent and child can be healed. Be willing to learn from your children. Stay present with what comes up.
For more, be sure to tune into this week’s episode of Change Maker: Parenting With Presencehttp://cbsloc.al/1JUHZYR
Huffington Post Parent Coach Susan Stiffelman’s new book: Parenting with Presence teaches us that our children are our greatest healers. Learn how to see each challenge as a blessing, and the ways that self-care and soothing can help you be a better parent- to yourself and your kids.
